Hugh's Hotel Life Stories

[✪aprilla]

When you read the below you will understand why now in the UK all plugs on new electrical appliances are 'moulded' ie. you can get at the fuse to change it, but can't unscrew anything to get at the contacts within the plug.

Hotel Life 22
 
This story is on a more serious note.
 
We had some golfers booked in. All respectable people as golfers always are. But this lot seemed to think it fun to cover doorhandles of rooms with tooth paste ... and even to smear toothpaste over pillow cases. Fun and games for when their friends came in late at night. We were glad to see them go!
 
And then, later, I realised that one of the fans in one of the bedrooms was no longer working. So thinking the fuse had probably gone I got my Avo Meter to check it. But no, the fuse was fine. So I thought I had better check the continuity from the plug to the fan, as I had come to the conclusion that one of the wires must have broken within the sleeving. I checked from the Neutral to the Neutral. That was fine. Then the Live to the Live. Nothing. And then Earth to Earth. Nothing. And then it slowly dawned on me. There was no break in the wires. Someone (from the golfing party) had swopped over the Live and Earth wires in the 13amp plug. Which meant that the metal base plate of the fan was "live" as it was connected directly to the mains supply. Could have been very nasty for anybody touching it. No doubt whoever did it must have thought it would be even more "fun" to make one of his friends "jump".
 
The moral of this story?
 
Never trust a golfer!

Wow, that sounds really dangerous... who'd even think of doing something like this?! The things you have to check.
Never - ever - a dull moment huh?

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 23
 
I have just received the Hotelier Magazine (comes free every month) and have started reading one of the articles ... and it goes like this:
 
Legic is a licensed chip which brings a consortium of contributory service providers together within a single operating system. Through Legic, multiple applications can be combined under the Dialock security umbrella and accessed through proximity card 'keys' programmed in line with the needs of individual hotel guests.
 
Well, OK. Am I missing something here? Perhaps living on a different planet? Or reached a stage in my life when I should be giving up and handing on to the younger generation!
 

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 24
 
Today I have been into our local electrical shop to purchase a six socket extension. As I was being served, another hotelier came in clutching a fluorescent tube. Dave (the owner of the shop) looked up and immediately reached behind him and pulled out another tube from the variety he had stored there.
 
"This is the tube you need", he informed his new customer.
 
"How do you know that?", the hotelier said. "I don't even know which tube I want myself ... that's why I've brought it in. Are you sure that's the right one?"
 
So Dave reads the blurb on the tube and confirms that it is the correct one.
 
So I pipe up, "You have to be careful when you come in here you know. Whenever I come in I ask for an 8' tube, and when I get home it is too long ... and he does this to me every time!" Well, of course this is because I actually need a 6' tube, but can never remember which one.
 
Dave responds by saying, "The trouble with you lot is that you usually come in here saying 'I want a tube about this long' and hold your arms out to show me. I'm not surprised you get the wrong one!"
 
He serves the other customer, and then I remember. I also need a fluorescent tube. In our kitchen in the bungalow ... one of the 'display' lights under the units.
 
"Dave", I say. "I nearly forgot. I also need a fluorescent tube. One of those 'slimline' ones for display cabinets."
 
"How long is the tube?" asks Dave.
 
I hold my arms out. "About this long", I say. I am not a fisherman, so I am not very good at this sort of thing.
 
Tomorrow I shall have to go back to the shop. He has sold me a tube that is approximately 4" too long.

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Continuing the story above.

Of course we no longer have the problem of trying to find the right 'tube' as all our lighting is now LEDs. The problem they had in the early days was how to get a blue light, needed to make 'white' light .. and they finally cracked this in the 1970s.



I have been thinking about that 'blue' light. When you get to my age you remember things as though they happened yesterday. They discovered how to make that blue light 55 years ago!

Hotel Life 24 (cont.)
 
I returned to the electrical shop having taken the old fluorescent tube out. But when Dave searched for the correct tube he could not find one to match.
 
"Funny", he said. "This appears to be a non-standard tube. It is marked T4 16W, but the T4 I have is a centimetre longer and wouldn't fit in your unit. And I'm afraid I can't even order one. You had better have your money back".
 
"Right", I thought. "I'll go to Edmundsons, the electrical wholesaler".
 
Passing the tube over the counter in Edmundsons I asked for a replacement. He only had a T5 tube in stock, but added that he knew he had a T4 in his office upstairs. He returned a few minutes later empty handed.
 
"Sorry", he said. "I do have a T4 tube, but mine is 46.5cm long and yours is 45.5cm. Mine wouldn't fit your unit. Better get back to the people who installed your kitchen and find out where they got it from."
 
So upon returning home I rang Dovetail Woodcraft, who had installed our kitchen.
 
"Never had this problem before", I was told. "We get our units from City Electrical Factors in Bridgwater ... and sometimes we get things by mail order. There is a C.E.F. in Weston, so give them a ring".
 
This time I was told yes, they had a T4 16W tube ... so I asked him "Would he mind measuring the length of the tube?". Sure enough, it was 46.5cm long ... and mine was just 45.5cm. But he did offer to look into it and come back to me ... which he did. It appears that these lights are supplied with "continental" kitchens, and replacement tubes are not available in Britain. On checking again with my kitchen installers (our kitchen was hand-made in wood so was not an imported ready-made kitchen) they admitted that their mail order source was in Germany.
 
So now we know. They used continental tubes which are not available in the UK. So I have had to purchase two "British" display lights and once I have installed them our kitchen should be back to normal.
 
Another day wasted!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 25
 
Bronwyn makes her own marmalade. Nothing like giving your guests home made marmalade. And it's January, so the Seville Oranges are around and it is time to make another batch. Bronwyn wanted 12lbs of oranges (she makes about 76lbs altogether!) so I went down to our local greengrocer (Hacker's) to buy them. I found a nice cardboard box down there to put them in, and then bumped into Mr Hacker, who I know well.
 
"Marmalade time again!" he said to me. "Here, give me the box and I'll tear it for you".
 
Well, OK, but I was going to use the box to put the oranges in.
 
He gave it back to me, and I started piling it up with oranges ... but hadn't a clue how many I needed, so I took the box over to the till and asked the girl to weigh it for me. I had 7.5Kg. Well, I know that there are 2.2lbs to a Kg, but wasn't in the mood for dividing 12 by 2.2 to convert it to Kg, and as Mr Hacker was there I called out to him, "Mr Hacker, how many Kg is 12lbs?"
 
So he thought about it for a minute, and then said "I reckon it's about £4.80 ... in money."
 
So I took some oranges out and bought £5 worth.
 
Bronwyn made her marmalade, but found for the last batch that she was three oranges short, so the next day I went back to Hackers. "More oranges?", said Mr Hacker. "How many lbs do you want this time?".
 
"Mr Hacker", I said. "This time I don't want lbs of oranges; I don't want Kg of oranges; I don't want "money" of oranges. I have been sent down to get 70 oranges!"
 
"Right", he said. "Give me the box and I'll tear it for you. No? It's much easier if I do the tare weight, and then when we weigh your box it will only charge you the "net" weight for the oranges".
 
So I have learnt something today.

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 26
 
In the afternoon I take our two dogs (a Westie and a Schnauzer) down to the beach, and more often than not we meet "Bardie", who is in his late 60s and is a member of the local running club. "Remember Shakespeare", he said when we first got chatting. The "bard". He has a spaniel and an elderly black labrador.
 
One week when I bumped into him I noticed he had grazed his arms and his face. It appears he was out running along the main road, on the pavement, and there was a lady standing on the edge of the road. He spoke to her as he ran past ... and suddenly, bang, he was sprawled on the ground, grazing his arms, knees and face. What he didn't know was that the lady had a dog ... on an "extender" lead. She was in the road ... but her dog was still in her driveway through the gate!
 
But I digress. I asked him if he would like some of our home made marmalade, and he said "Oh, yes please!". And then the next two or three times I saw him I had no marmalade with me (not easy to carry a jar of marmalade in your coat pocket!). "No matter", he said. "The next time we are going in the same direction I'll come up to the Hotel with you".
 
This evening when I went down it was getting dark. But I did remember to take a jar of marmalade with me. Of course, he was nowhere to be seen, but just as I was about to come off the beach I noticed the spaniel ... and could just make out a figure in the darkness near the water's edge. So I called out to him "Bardie! I'm so glad I've seen you. Just when I've remembered to bring down a jar of marmalade I thought it would be sod's law that I would end up going home with it again."
 
 "But I don't believe in sod's law", I added.
 
"Pardon?"
 
It wasn't Bardie. And it wasn't his spaniel. And I do believe in sod's law!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 27
 
Just behind our Hotel is the old Rectory, which they have converted into flats. The other day we bumped into one of the new occupants who was walking her young dog ... a white boxer. He's a smasher!
 
While I was making up the beds in Room 6, I could hear her calling for her dog. Her front door had been open, and as she came outside it was obvious she was a little concerned as to where her dog had gone. She went round one side of the building, and then round the other, her calling becoming more and more frantic. I can understand why. Just down the drive there is a main road and cars are always travelling too fast!
 
She disappeared round the far side of the building, calling all the time ... and just at that moment I noticed her white boxer dog creeping quietly out through her front door. It then sat very quietly and upright in the middle of the car parking area.
 
Well, when she came back round the building and saw him she was so cross with him! "You naughty boy! Get back inside! Where have you been?".
 
I'm sure if he could, he would have told her!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 28
 
Our Council work very hard on behalf of tourism, and below is an e-mail I sent to Vanessa Setterington in the Marketing Department:
 
Vanessa,
 
I was down on the beach early this morning with the dogs. I am amazed sometimes at how messy the beach gets! There were polystyrene boxes with the remains of greasy chips, plastic pop bottles, cans, plastic bags, glass bottles etc. Sometimes there are even car tyres! And this morning a dead sheep ... must have lost it's footing somewhere along the Welsh coast, poor thing!
 
The tractor was working down the other end of the beach so I went and told the driver about the dead sheep. "No problem", he said. "I'll remove it now" and off he went up the beach. Ten minutes later the sheep was gone and he continued his task of raking though the sand.
 
By nine o'clock the beach was spotless! I wonder how many people realise how much hard work is put in by the Council to make our resort look tidy ... despite the efforts of the public! Thank you North Somerset Council!
 
Hugh
 
(This letter was printed in the Local Paper).
 
Our Council also operate an Email service and they e-mail all the Hotels to tell them about things that are happening in the area ... and often there will be an A4 attachment "poster" (in full colour) for us to put on our notice board. Keeps us up to date as to what is going on, and lets our visitors know too. A brilliant idea!
 
We went to the Playhouse Theatre to see (and hear!) The Blues Band (Paul Jones with his harmonica) and were pleasantly surprised to find that the theatre had been completely re-vamped. The following day we received an e-mail informing us of the re-vamp, so I sent an e-mail back to Vanessa:
 
Vanessa,

We were at the Playhouse the day before you sent this out ... and I was going to e-mail you to tell you how FANTASTIC the Playhouse now is. The new carpeting; but it is the seats that have made all the difference. By moving the seats slightly forward, away from the "step", and by having slightly smaller seats, the "leg room" has been increased dramatically. And the seats themselves are at a slightly more "forward" angle, with thicker cushions, making the seating extremely comfortable.
 
Congratulations to all involved in the project ... they obviously put a lot of thought into how things should be done.

Hugh

And then I sent another e-mail regarding advertising on the Council's Internet Site.
 
Vanessa,
 
I just happened to take a look at www.somersetcoast.com ... and wow! What a super site! Gone is the old PDF type accommodation list with the "hand" to pull it down, and in it's place a modern, up to date well presented site. Will the talents of North Somerset Council ever end? I doubt it. It seems to me you are constantly looking at everything to do with tourism ... and the town in general (I suppose industry and retailing too ... but I don't know anything about this sector) and continually making things better. For me at the present time, first the Playhouse and now this.
Hugh
 
And below is one final e-mail which I entitled "Tongue in cheek!!"
 
Vanessa,
 
This evening I was on the beach just before 6pm ... and the sunset was quite stunning, the sun disappearing behind Steepholm leaving a bright purple sky.
 
How did you do that? !!!!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 29
 
We have had a couple from Belgium staying ... friends of people in Weston. They do not speak very much English, so I try as best I can to find out what they are doing and if they are enjoying their stay in Britain.
 
"Yes," they say. And then add, "We are going to Bath".
 
Now we have just had a delivery of some new leaflets, and I know there is one for Bath, so I duly hunted this out. We also have a "fun map" of Bath. Nothing to scale, and drawn with an artists impression of the various attractions. Clutching these two items, I return to their table.
 
"I have some information for you on Bath", I tell them.
 
"Oh ... oh ... no! We are going to Bath yesterday."
 
They do say English is a difficult language to learn!
 
This reminds me of another little incident that happened to us many years ago, when we were staying with one of my University friends from Norway. He hadn't any room in his flat to put us up, and his parents very kindly had offered to accommodate us. Unfortunately, they didn't speak much English. But no matter, we managed to communicate fairly well using sign language.
 
Then, when we were going up to bed they mentioned about the bathroom. The bathplug. They seemed to be implying that the bathplug didn't work ... so we would have to jam it up with something?
 
So Bronwyn had her bath. The plug seemed OK. And then when she got out of the bath, the bathroom floor began to flood with water. Help! We finally managed to get it all mopped up.
 
The following morning all was explained to us. Although a new house, houses at that time in Norway had "open" drains in the bathroom. ie. when emptying the bath, the water flowed out under the bath into an "open" drain (with a square "grill" over). The secret was ... not to let the water flow out of the bath too quickly ... to put the plug "half in" to restrict the outflow. How could they have explained that?

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 30
 
It has not been a good day today.
 
We have been redecorating Room 1 in the Hotel. OK, so the old wallpaper came off easily. And the glossing was going OK. I use "water based" undercoat and gloss, and although it doesn't give quite the shiny finish of normal gloss is is easy to apply (just wash the brushes out in water), does not have a smell, and stays "white" for ever (unlike ordinary gloss, which yellows with age). When I came to the bathroom door, I decided to use a roller. Now I always use a roller for the emulsion on the ceiling, so didn't envisage any problems. But here I was using a "mini" roller, and a tiny tray holding the paint. Great! I shall do this in no time. So holding the tray in my left hand and the roller in my right, I set to. Well, they do say the brain can't cope with doing two things at once, don't they? While I was concentrating on getting a nice even distribution of paint on the door, my left hand was gradually tilting over ... and before I know it there was a trail of paint all across the carpet! Being water based, I did manage to mop it up.
 
Next, the papering. Papering is easy. I had pre-cut the length (in fact, had done several lengths) and proceeded to put the glue on with the brush. Got about half way, when I realised ... I was putting the glue on the "right" side of the paper! Oh well. The rubbish bag with the old wallpaper in it is still around.
 
I finally got a piece ready to put up. Then ...
 
I had a dish with wallpaper glue sitting on top of the ladder ... and as I moved the ladder it fell off and, like the proverbial slice of bread and butter, flipped over as it fell ... and landed with an almighty "crack" on the bottom bar of the ladder. That might have stopped the dish from falling any further, but for the glue it was a different matter. With a great "splodge" it splattered all over the carpet. I have convinced myself we would have had a new carpet anyway.
 
It has not been a good day today.
 
I suppose we all get days like this.

Stories continued on Page 5 ...