Hugh's Hotel Life Stories

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 7
 
A family have arrived, brought their bags into the hall and have checked in. I am in the middle of telling them about the Restaurants they can go to when I realise I am having to raise my voice as there is a noise of something like a "roadsweeper" passing by. I make some comment about it, so one of them goes to the front door and opens it.
 
"No, the noise isn't coming from the road" she says. "Sounds as if it is coming from the callbox".
So I lift the hand set of the telephone ... but the sound doesn't seem to be coming from there either.
 
"Seems to be coming through the wall from next door" one of them says.
I do know that next door have a washing machine and a spin dryer on the other side of the wall, so tell them it is probably that. And then the sound stops, and starts again ... and stops and starts again.
"Oh", I say. "They must be using an electric drill".
 
We go upstairs to the top floor and I show them their room. And then I hear the noise again ... 
Brrrrrrrrrrrr ..... Brrrrrrrrrrr ....
"I wonder what on earth it can be" I say. "It seems to be permeating the whole house!".
"Probably your water system" one of them says.
 
Then the lady in the group suddenly bursts out laughing. "I think I know what it is", she says ...
"It's my electric toothbrush!" ... and sure enough, when she looks in her bag and opens her soapbag there is the toothbrush spinning round for all it's worth!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 8
 
We had this couple staying. They had only just arrived and his tooth was giving him grief! Blown up like a balloon it was, so like a Good Samaritan I directed him to the nearest dentist. They gave him some anti-biotics and told him to call in again in the morning. When I went to take their order at breakfast I noticed that the swelling had gone down considerably, so just as a passing thought I said to him, "Your tooth behaving?"
 
"What do you mean?" he replied. "We two always behave when we're on holiday!"

[✪aprilla]

"Your tooth behaving?"

"What do you mean?" he replied. "We two always behave when we're on holiday!"

That is so funny!
   

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Thanks for your comment aprilla.  Glad you are enjoying reading these stories!

One of my friends had said, "You could write a book about running a small Hotel".  But I said that a book normally has a beginning, a middle, and an end .. and a 'plot'.  I just had a series of unconnected 'incidents', which I decided to write down as they happened.  Otherwise, I felt, I would never remember them all!

Hotel Life 9
 
When we first had the Hotel (in November 1979) there were no such luxuries as "en-suites". In fact, in our Hotel there was only a bathroom with toilet on the first floor; and a separate toilet also on the first floor. There was nothing on the second floor apart from the three bedrooms. I remember receiving a letter from a previous customer requesting "Please don't give us any of the attic rooms".
 
The toilet in the bathroom had a "low level" cistern, but the separate toilet had a high cistern complete with chain and handle. And people would grab the handle and pull it down hard ... then slowly release it ... then pull down hard again ... slowly release it ... pull down hard again ... and this would just go on and on. And in the middle of the night too! I quickly realised that the physics of operating the toilet were as follows: There was a large heavy brass "bell" to which the chain was attached at the top. Pulling the chain lifted the bell upwards ... but it then had to be "dropped" sharply in order to create a surge of water to rise up and over the outlet within the bell ... and once started the water would continue flowing by siphoning the water out. So I stuck a notice on the side of the cistern which read:
 
Pull me down, then suddenly let go.
That's how to make me work, you know!
 
And that did the trick!
 
Our first priority was to create another bathroom on the second floor, which we did quite successfully. And I remember the same customer mentioned above writing to us and saying "Could they please have one of those lovely rooms on the second floor!"!!
 
And now of course, all our rooms are en-suite.

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 10
 
We have a family staying, with a little boy about 4 or 5 years old. I met him coming down the stairs.
 
"I've got a tractor", he tells me. "And a train, and a lorry". "I've got two lorries", he adds.
 
And then, "What's your name?"
 
"Hugh", I say. "And what's your name?"
 
"Aaron", he replies.
 
"That's a nice name", I say. "And how do you spell that?"
 
"Er ... A, e, i ... I've got two lorries and a tractor", he says "and they don't have number plates."
 
"He's going to be a politician", says his father. "He won't answer the question directly. Just tells you what he thinks you ought to know."
 
!!!!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 11

Well, not so much Hotel Life but Our Life in the Hotel.

We have four granddaughters.  At the time of this story, Amy was aged 11yrs and Jessica 9yrs. Well, I was putting forward some point to the eldest one when she suddenly piped up with "Oh Grandad! You are old!". Jessica immediately jumped to my defence and came out with "Oh no he's not. He's new!"

We had Amy and Jessica quite often when they were at school, and for breakfast Jessica always had the same ... Rice Crispies, Rice Crispies, Rice Crispies! So when I noticed in Tesco one day that they were doing LARGE packets of Rice Crispies on offer ... three for the price of two ... I thought "Great, I shall get six packets".

The following morning, Jessica said, "Grandad. Could I please try some Shredded Wheat today?"
So I replied "Of course you can, love". The next few weeks it was Shredded Wheat, Shredded Wheat, Shredded Wheat. So I said to her one morning, "Jessica. Would you like some Rice Crispies today?"... to which she replied, "I don't like Rice Crispies any more".

Well, we did at last manage to get rid of the Rice Crispies, giving a couple of packets to our son, and using the rest up in the Hotel. And then ( ... wait for it!) when we were down to our last few spoonfuls she comes out with, "Grandad. Do you think I could have Rice Crispies please this morning?" !!!!

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 12
 
Brown or white toast.
 
At breakfast when I take the order I offer our guests this option. One couple we had staying wanted brown toast, so I got the wholemeal loaf out and put a couple of slices in the toaster. Then I took the toast through to them ... only to be told that that was not what they had ordered. I'm sorry, but although they always say the customer is always right I am not the sort of person who goes along with this misguided statement.
 
Well they did finally agree that they had asked for brown toast ... but had wanted white bread put in the toaster and cooked until it went "brown". ie. they wanted the toast overcooked rather than undercooked.
 
So there you go.

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

When I had my Yamaha AR80 organ I was in touch with another organist in Australia, who had an AR100.  He was asking me about our Hotel, and in his mind was trying to picture what it would be like staying at a hotel like ours.

This is the email I sent him:

Hotel Life 13.

Email to Brian Martin.
 
Brian,
 
You were asking about Braeside ... a very "romantic" vision of a bar ... people playing darts ... comradie ... a good pint of English Ale. Sorry to disappoint you!
 
Imagine a Georgian house (built in 1910) for the "upper classes" with a large Lounge, a Dining Room ... kitchens to the rear. Bedrooms round a stairwell on the first floor ... the best room having a superb sea view. Then the "servants" rooms up on the second floor ... with a row of bells along the corridor, all connected by wires to the main family rooms downstairs. A family coming from London in the holidays to enjoy the sea air. The servants poised to satisfy their beck and call. That was us.
 
But now we have gone all "en-suite". The wires and bells have gone (sorry, it was us!). The old fireplaces removed to make space for beds, showers and toilets. Partition walls are everywhere to section off the required "mod cons". The original rooms barely recognisable. And in the rooms we find by the shower a selection of toiletries ... shower cap, mending kit, shampoo, shower gel, shoe cleaning sponge, "wrapped soap" beautifully pleated. Further into the room a colour telly, a radio alarm, coffee/teamaking, hairdryer, electric fan ... iron and ironing board available when required. No need now for wires and bells!
 
When we started we did "evening meals" ... a meal at 6.30pm ... all home cooking. Nobody wants this any more, so we just do Bed and Breakfast. We never see anybody from one breakfast to the next ... except when they come to reception to pay their bill and leave. And then we meet the new people when they arrive. We have this fantastic Yamaha AR80 organ in our front Lounge ... but nobody ever shows an interest. I do offer ... "any excuse to play" I say, but no one takes me up on it.
 
Hugh

[⚅Hugh Wallington]

Hotel Life 14
 
Another family, a few years ago when we did "half board". Another little boy, about 6 years old. 
One of the desserts we always had in the summer was strawberries and cream.
 
"I don't like strawberries", says the little boy.
 
"How do you know?", asks his mother. "You've never had them. And you like strawberry jam, so I'm sure you will like strawberries".
 
So, to be helpful, I say "Tell you what, I'll bring you the strawberries. If you don't like them, give them to your Dad. And if he doesn't want them, then I'll have them, as I like strawberries".
 
So I give him the strawberries. A few minutes later a little voice pipes up "Mr. Wallington" (at this point the whole Dining Room descends into a deathly hush).
 
"Yes?" I reply.
 
Holding a strawberry between finger and thumb he dunks it in the cream and calls out "I hope you like licked strawberries, because I like cream."
 
!!!!

[✪aprilla]

Hotel Life 14
 
Another family, a few years ago when we did "half board". Another little boy, about 6 years old. 
One of the desserts we always had in the summer was strawberries and cream.
 
"I don't like strawberries", says the little boy.
 
"How do you know?", asks his mother. "You've never had them. And you like strawberry jam, so I'm sure you will like strawberries".
 
So, to be helpful, I say "Tell you what, I'll bring you the strawberries. If you don't like them, give them to your Dad. And if he doesn't want them, then I'll have them, as I like strawberries".
 
So I give him the strawberries. A few minutes later a little voice pipes up "Mr. Wallington" (at this point the whole Dining Room descends into a deathly hush).
 
"Yes?" I reply.
 
Holding a strawberry between finger and thumb he dunks it in the cream and calls out "I hope you like licked strawberries, because I like cream."
 
!!!!

Now we need to know - Do you like licked strawberries???



Stories continued on Page 3 ...